The other morning after my daily pick-up basketball game at the local Youth Men's Christian Association, I was showering with the guys and happened to check out one of their "dongs." I did not say anything then, but deep down I had a burning in my groin region. I have always been with women, and based on my muscle mass, I will continue to pull pussy for many a day. Was my first thought gay? Please let me know so I can stop scrubbing my eyes with bleach.
THE HAPPY GAY NOT THE GAY GAY - Manitoba, Canada

Straightpants Sinatra replies:
So there partner, you happened to glance at another man's genitals. I don't see no problem with that, unless of course you are feeling the urge to put on your mom's panties and attend a Marilyn Manson show like the rest of these liberal sallies. My buddy Travis and I shower together all the time. But we also drink Budweiser and cum inside women. Just because I see Travis's taut shoulders and lower back on a daily basis doesn't mean I have "the gay". In fact, it doesn't bother me at all to see the way Travis struggles to get his wet thighs into his tight Wrangler jeans. I would say we have the best conversations in the locker room, alone, after a long day, together, alone. . .

You see it's the goddamn left-wingers who say it's alright to be a flaming homo. That's what it is, plain as pie. Tell you what, you come on down to my neck of the woods and see if you find any of those tree-hugging Commies. Back in my daddy's time, you wouldn't here none of that queer talk. That's back when men were men and women knew it. And you didn't have to get your wife off neither. She was just glad to be apart of the family.

You just need to get yourself a slam pig with perky tits and throat that goes for miles. If you still think you ain't cured, then go to football game or wrestling match. See some real men exhibit their manhood while they grapple and rub against each other. That'll make you think twice about looking at another man's junk.