I own a 1994 Geo Prism. Any suggestions as to what sweet things I can do with my new ride?
Lively Young Lad

Goth Kid replies:
Sweet things? What's a sweet thing anyway? Sweet is a physiological response by the human tongue to certain chemicals, a taste sensation, that's all. A sensation is a feeling, it's only a lie created by the government to sell flowers and chocolate that go on the polished cherry tables so common in the nuclear family household as part of the "American Dream." If only the nuclear family was a lot less family and a lot more nuclear so the unstable particles shot through every flesh being on this spherical wasteland, mutating every human into a tormented skin sac so they all can finally feel the agony that courses through my veins like a lethal injection.

Cars are machines, gears and cogs creating a mechanism that moves back and forth like every John and Jane Doe to their corporate graves. I had a car once. When I sat in that pleather bucket seat I became part of the machine, part of this conformist world that runs on the liquid remains of every decaying being that wandered aimlessly toward that final pit of despair.

So you want to know some "sweet" things to do with that car? Put on your black clothes, black eyeliner, and skull earrings, drive to the nearest mall parking lot, get your goth friends in the car with you, run a tube from the exhaust pipe into the front window, play Marilyn Manson, turn the key, and enjoy your last minutes of gloom before eternal darkness envelops you. Or do some donuts.