I had sex with my friend's dad last week, and I'm not really sure how to go about telling my buddy. I mean we were always best friends growing up, playing baseball, soccer and all kinds of boyhood things. Things did change as we got older and I went to college and started experimenting, we stopped talking a little, but I still consider myself fairly close to him. How should I tell him that his Dad and I are an item?
PHIL, San Francisco, CA
Erva the Intolerant Geriatric replies:
By the way you spell your cognomen I am apt to assume that you are a male as I have a friend named Phyllis who goes by Phyl on occasion and, after conferring with her at our weekly bridge game, have concluded that no respectable woman would spell it 'Phil.' I am also in assumption that you are sending this question as it may lead to the conclusion that you are a homosexual. There is nothing wrong with that - unless you have no problem going to Hell. But why should that bother you? Damn queers have been running amok for years now beginning with the damn idea of 'free love' introduced by those atheist hippies when rock music began to pollute the radio waves.
Our benevolent God has no place in the world for damn queers like you. My late brother Abner said he had 'thoughts' about another man while in the war and he committed himself to gay camp as soon as he returned. The blessed priests that cured him of the gay confiscated all of his gay paraphernalia including his shaving cream tubes with male simulacra and his Sears Roebuck catalogue. After weeks of prayer and repenting came home with an understanding of true love and a desire to court a young lady.
You should not tell your friend, you should never tell another soul except the wise men at your local diocese. They can help you become human again and lead you towards a sin-free lifestyle in which love for your fellow Catholic and an obedient wife will be all you need. As for your friend's father, he needs to be outed with discretion as you have been put on the right path and you need not attention cast in your direction. As a father, he should know better than to succumb to the temptations of God's creations and since we know he is a sinner he must be punished. Find a way to tell his family, perhaps an anonymous parchment detailing his activities, and they shall shun him as well. Make it known at his work so that in any direction he should turn there will be a vengeful eye doing Our Lord's work. Once he feels the smite bearing on him he shall turn to our way or understand that the only valiant way to go will be euthanasia by means of the underside of a trolley car. Just like Abner.
Erva the Intolerant Geriatric replies:
By the way you spell your cognomen I am apt to assume that you are a male as I have a friend named Phyllis who goes by Phyl on occasion and, after conferring with her at our weekly bridge game, have concluded that no respectable woman would spell it 'Phil.' I am also in assumption that you are sending this question as it may lead to the conclusion that you are a homosexual. There is nothing wrong with that - unless you have no problem going to Hell. But why should that bother you? Damn queers have been running amok for years now beginning with the damn idea of 'free love' introduced by those atheist hippies when rock music began to pollute the radio waves.
Our benevolent God has no place in the world for damn queers like you. My late brother Abner said he had 'thoughts' about another man while in the war and he committed himself to gay camp as soon as he returned. The blessed priests that cured him of the gay confiscated all of his gay paraphernalia including his shaving cream tubes with male simulacra and his Sears Roebuck catalogue. After weeks of prayer and repenting came home with an understanding of true love and a desire to court a young lady.
You should not tell your friend, you should never tell another soul except the wise men at your local diocese. They can help you become human again and lead you towards a sin-free lifestyle in which love for your fellow Catholic and an obedient wife will be all you need. As for your friend's father, he needs to be outed with discretion as you have been put on the right path and you need not attention cast in your direction. As a father, he should know better than to succumb to the temptations of God's creations and since we know he is a sinner he must be punished. Find a way to tell his family, perhaps an anonymous parchment detailing his activities, and they shall shun him as well. Make it known at his work so that in any direction he should turn there will be a vengeful eye doing Our Lord's work. Once he feels the smite bearing on him he shall turn to our way or understand that the only valiant way to go will be euthanasia by means of the underside of a trolley car. Just like Abner.
