Lord Jowlmonger VIII says:
No, no, no to the both of your flabbergasting. Reading your prose is like a delicious popover, fancy on the outside but filled with fluffy homo erotic yeast surplus. I say you two remind of the time I walked in on Count Craig Wood of Devonshire and his male knight Eric Bagetta, the village queer. Count Wood had a rare unicorn horn shoved so far into his hind quarters, that he appeared to be a yoked bovine! I say you could store a fortnight of grain in his rectum after the strapping Sir Bagetta finished him off.

If you really wish to gaze under the frock of a pre-teen, you must first entice them to explore the humbling option of the codpiece. It is nearly as delicious as it sounds and it truly accentuates the genitals of a junior knight in training.